Filter Filtered Out…? 9 New Filters!

Filter Filtered Out…? 9 New Filters!

IMG_20170306_152439_390

2017 is MY year. My life. My adventure. My discovery. My journey.

Consequently, to acquire the above control, I had to leave my dark cave and face the light. Thirty six confused and blinded years of surviving life with mismatched humans is now just an old chapter. Quite astonishing, where I am versus just last May, I can confidently say that I am grateful for the human being I am.

I’ve always possessed this awesomeness but never knew how to accept the great responsibility it carried. Denying my vast and superior emotional attributes was how I was grown from the garden. Since the day the Universe popped me into this mixing bowl of possibilities my role as the family rubber band was assigned to me.

Presently, in this moment (this very moment as I push the buttons on this flat thingy), I am letting go of the responsibility for other humans on this floating globe. Reining that responsibility back into my body and releasing my soul from her shackles has inflated all sorts of new ideas, dreams and inspirations. The Goddess herself is shaking in her trendy gold sandals. Awesomeness this permeating cannot be filtered or edited, there is no opting out, no ghosting.

So, what do you do…? Create new filters!

  1. Great-Full
    • Expose all the GREAT-ness in everyday life. The first filter by design.
  2. DoubleD
    • Enjoy Dusk and Dawn quiet stillness. That moment of pause before action.
  3. H2 wOe
    • Mandatory hydration (base filter for all filters)
  4. EMT
    • Enjoy every meal time. No judgements or harsh criticism is permitted with use.
  5. Sh8k
    • Create movement with every shake. Head, arms, legs and booty highly recommended for optimal enjoyment.
  6. Phlect
    • Selfie mode. Mirror image of yourself with pop up positive affirmations straight from your heart.
  7. ❤ U
    • Extract the good in all life. Commonly used in cooperation with compassion and understanding.
  8. SHE-LD
    • Love Defense erected to protect. Fortified with genuine love, this filter saturates all.
  9. COAL
    • Curious. Open. Accept. Love.

Best of all these filters are free, from me to you. Use with invigoration, imagination and ecstatic creativity. There are no limits, no comments, no agreements to adhere to. The only request is that you share your experience with others.

Sword salute to the newest wing in the Castle of life.

 

Return to the Castle

Return to the Castle

the voice

Hello humans,

I’ve been missing for quite some time. About 36 years to be exact. But in light of the last few years and mostly recently this year, I have been found.

Amid new challenges on this journey, I’m excited to return to the castle and really awaken my posts.

Please stay tuned for the next chapter in my extraordinary pursuit of almost happiness.

mind fucked

mind fucked

gaslighting-mirella-santan

As the year fades, I’m confronted with how challenging it has been for me. With great loss and harsh reality checks, last year was a treacherous stepping stone towards today’s total mind fuck. I am perpetually reminded how easily kindness is mistaken for weakness, how caring too much will only cause personal pain. Defying the urge to have regrets or yearn for the past to be rewritten, I’m answering the call to be my most authentic self.

To be as true to myself as I dare and not allow kindness or caring to blind me from reality. The only thing I’ve learned over the last six months is no one is going to rescue me. No one-person has all the knowledge or ability to help process my trauma. No one, not a one, can fix me…that is, other than myself. Standing out in the open, dropping my armor and facing the shadows is more agonizing than I could ever imagine.

All that pain manifesting as sadness and desperation. Fueling anger inside me that I don’t know how to access, poisoning my spirit. Causing a reaction within that I am not familiar with, dragging me through the smoldering embers along the way. Even my acknowledgment of it is remarkably brave of me.

Looking forward into the unknown is not pleasant for previous me. Too many terrifying possibilities and horrific outcomes. However, present me fears more looking back at all the pain and suffering I was subjected to. The unknown is far less terrorizing than knowing the abuse I am used to will continue. Emotional abuse is on the top of my list of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad behaviors.

I’m still angry and scared and unsure. I’m always going to bare the scars of my abuse. But you know what I’m not going to do? Let anyone treat me that way again. Not ever. Even myself. Let the Universe be my guide and I will never be alone. Good day.

Live Long and Prosper

Live Long and Prosper

pan-am
Complete story illustrated here: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/plane

So, get up and help somebody.
 
I had never heard this story before. It reminds me of the slippery slope of negative “what ifs” that slide around in my brain. Piling on my shoulders causing an undoubtedly unnecessary heap of depression and anxiety.
 
What did I take from it? Why am I sharing?
 
Suppose you were in the same scenario, what action would you take? When I think about this in terms of my own personal journey, I want to be able to say “I didn’t give up.” That I kept going, facing each seemingly insurmountable obstacle with optimism and courage. That I helped those in need as best I could. That I instilled hope in the lives around me. That I lived in alignment with my values.
 
Cause you know, at the end of our journey, it’s not about recognition or notoriety. For me, it’s about knowing that I loved, I hurt, I learned, I persevered… and above all that I enjoyed the journey.
 
“Live long, and prosper”
Questioning Reality

Questioning Reality

fragile-triangle

So I haven’t written in awhile and I need to vent. Maybe it will help.

Our poly-triad is in crisis. My girlfriend lost her romantic feelings for me but still wants to be with my husband. I want to be okay with it because they deserve to be happy. But I’m still in shock from the message and feel heartbroken. She is the love of my life, I can feel it. So is he. In a different way. Our relationships are so different. In good and bad ways.

I should have saw the signs, the ones I ignored. My dream coming true louder than my intuition.

She expressed a need to have me in her life, our friendship is very important to her. I’m struggling with the ability to separate the two. I’m struggling to accept that there is nothing I can do. My emotional health failed earlier this year and her desire for me shifted. I’m struggling to admit to myself that I could have held it together. I never wanted to let her down.

Maybe poly-amorous life is not what I bargained for. I wanted a girlfriend, my husband agreed. All these years exploring different relationships and I meet the most beautiful soul I never knew I was missing. Everything about her makes me see stars and sunshine and warms my damaged heart.

Fear of losing her completely is what’s keeping me steady. I know I need her just as much as she needs me. The roles may be different but together we must be. How will I ever accept her choice? How can I ever see her with someone else? My heart and soul have never felt so lost in nothingness. There seems to be no room for hope. Yet I know I can’t give up. I will always respect her wishes and remain by her side. Physically there but emotionally yearning.

The choice is mine to continue suffering, this I understand. One day my fragile heart my crumble completely. Until then I just have to keep going.

 

 

‘Stranger Things’ Can Help Explain Anxiety

‘Stranger Things’ Can Help Explain Anxiety

stranger-things

I found this article uplifting and encouraging. A view from another dimension, the “Upside Down” place. Anxiety is always lurking just on the other side, watch out or you’ll lose sight of reality.

What’s important to know about the “Upside Down” place is that no one lives there. Eventually someone rescues you, or with the proper coping skills, you learn to rescue yourself. And the more you practice, the easier it is to leave. Your visits become less frequent. The monster seems less menacing.”

https://themighty.com/2016/10/using-stranger-things-to-help-explain-anxiety/

 

Daily Prompt: Silence

Daily Prompt: Silence

via Daily Prompt: Silence

Lonely, frightened it will be endless

Sad, hopelessly watching it fade

Scared, unsure what to expect

Shamed, responsible for the pain

Drowned, sorrows to deep to avoid

Maintained, going through the motions

Emotional, feelings all frantic

Broken, desire that which cannot be

Silenced, shut down

white-silence-pavel-tereshkovets-11

REBLOG: “Couraging” is a skill…

REBLOG: “Couraging” is a skill…

“2. “Couraging” is a skill, not a personality trait. The more we reveal what we think, what we want, how we feel, the easier it gets. There is no reason to be unhappy so that someone else can be happy.”

field-meadow-sad-alone

When we Choose to Suffer, & How to let the Light Back In.