Learn when NOT to talk!

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random thoughts

I’m pretty sure everyone can agree that when you are not in the best mood the worst thing that someone can do is point it out. I mean really, how is that helpful? “Wow, someone’s in a bad mood.” “You sure have been cranky lately.” “Is there anything I can do to help you get out of this funk?”

What is wrong with people?! Just leave me alone. Maybe YOU are the reason I’m not talking as much. Maybe it’s all the dumb people in the world. Maybe I’ve lost all faith in people and would rather have conversations with myself. Why can’t I just be me? Without people pointing out that I am doing something wrong?

Because I don’t think that NOT being extremely happy and social all the time is wrong. If you don’t experience all aspects of emotions then how can you appreciate the happy ones? And it’s not even that I am sad. I just need some quiet time. No other influences, opinions or complaints. I just need to think, concentrate and focus on myself. I don’t see anything wrong with that. And I don’t have the luxury of not going to work. I have to suck it up and do my job. But there is always those people that think it is their duty to cheer you up. When really, it has nothing to do with them so I don’t know how they expect to be able to cheer you up.

I am me. Right now this is who I am. Take it how it is. Don’t judge, compare or make assumptions. Just accept me for who I am right now. I will not apologize for being me. Sorry if you had different expectations. But that is not my fault. Deal with it.

View for your mood

How can I be upset with this view?

Confusing Feelings

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confused, feelings, life, random thoughts

I feel scared, worried, concerned, hurt, sad, lonely, terrified, ashamed, sick…

How do you deal with such powerful emotions in a calm and respectful manner?  No one likes to be attacked or accused.  But I feel justified.  Wouldn’t anyone feel this way?  I think I need to get my emotions in check before I address the issue.  That way I can stay on point and not get too upset.  If I make it about me and express what I need he shouldn’t get defensive.  There is that little tiny bit of me that is scared he will and that THAT means something.  A little bit of insecurity is rising.  I need to deal with this before that happens.

Do you trust him?   Yes

Do you love him?  Yes

Do you believe he loves you?   Yes

Why are you scared?   I’m afraid I haven’t done enough to keep him happy.

How do you think he would feel knowing you are upset?   I think he would feel bad because it was not his intention.  But I think he would also down play it by making it about me.  Saying that I am being insecure and stupid.  Like he’s done nothing wrong and I have for even having these feelings.

What would make this situation better for you?  An apology that states he is sorry he didn’t at least give me a card.  And that he will never do that sort of thing again if it makes me feel uncomfortable.  An apology that shows he really does care that I am upset and that he will try hard not do the things that caused it again.

Is that a realistic expectation?   Yes and no.  I’m sure he will apologize but I’m not sure he will understand the importance and therefore not mean it as much as I would like.

What can YOU do to feel better about the situation?   I really think I need to speak to him.  But I know I have to watch what I say and how I say it or it could turn into an argument.  All I need to do is express my feelings and not set any expectation as to how he will respond.  I need to tell him period, regardless of his reaction.  I can’t come at him with insecurity or accusations.  Just that I am a little wounded by what happened and let him know I just felt I needed to tell him.  Because if it happened again and I got upset he wouldn’t know why.  It’s only fair he knows what’s going on.

How can you proceed with your day and not let this run your mind?   Know that continuing to fret over it will not change anything.  Nothing can change what happened this weekend.  And you can’t expect him to read your mind.  He will not be apologizing or explaining what happened until you tell him your upset by it.  Give him the courtesy of not knowing.  Focus on the task at hand and know that you will deal with this later.  In no way does that make you weak or complacent.  You are dealing with this in a mature and thought out way which is better than flying off the handle and causing yourself distress and him hurt feelings.

You can do this!  You know you can you just have to remind yourself.

PS

I think I feel embarrassed.  I feel like I should care more that he hung out with other girls.  Not so much that ‘m worried that he’ll cheat but I don’t like how people assume that means he is unfaithful.  How they look at me.  Because it’s not the norm.  I’m not so sure that I’m jealous other than I wish he would have focused on me even though I was gone.  Done stuff to make me happy and feel good when I came home.  He’s attention I suppose is what I am jealous of.  And embarrassed that he would act that way.

F.I.O.

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better, create, life, random thoughts

I am on the verge of great things. I can feel it. But I’m still holding on to the notion that I have done something wrong or failed. And that I some how need to change to fix it. But my concious self knows that is impossible. It’s my ego that is holding me back. Trying to keep myself in my own way. Whatever I’m doing right now is better than what I did before. You cannot fix the past.

Flowered

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color, flowers, happy, joy, random thoughts

Blue-ish

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imagination, new world, poem, random thoughts

What if the sky wasn’t blue?

Maybe it was bright pink!

What if the world wasn’t round?

Instead it’s just a dot of ink!

 

Could you live in a world where

the grass is always bluer on the other side?

What if cats could ride bikes

and dogs were ten houses wide.

 

Have you ever dreamed of a different world?

One full of color and shapes and designs.

Things you’ve never seen before.

A world full of wonder and surprise.

 

What if there were NO pizza?

And what if there were NO red?

Could you stand the thought of it?

Would you even get out of bed?

 

In my world monkey’s are everywhere

and Giraffes are used as money.

Milk comes from palm trees

and the president is a bunny.

 

A pink and white fluffy bunny.

Who hops around to every land

and makes sure there’s fun being

had in the grass and in the sand.

 

What if your job was to play?

Just play and have fun!

Do you think you could manage?

Playing with your friends a ton?

 

I would want unlimited popsicles

and never ending iced tea.

We could eat bananas all day

and then relax under a nearby tree.

 

The frog would suggest a swim

in the fruit juice stream.

The deer wants to go for a

run in the field of dreams.

 

No matter what you imagine

it can always come true.

Because your imagination

is controlled by you.

 

Freedom of the mind

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eckhart tolle, inspiration, life, quote, random thoughts

“True freedom is living as if you had completely chosen whatever you feel or experience in this moment.” – Eckhart Tolle

If only it were that easy. I try to stay in the moment and not waste energy on things that I cannot change. But I don’t see how it is ever possible to completely let go of worry. How is it possible to totally quiet the mind? I wish I could figure it out. I really wish I could stop all the useless mind chatter and just focus on this very moment.

But I cannot. I am constantly at war with my mind trying to corral my thoughts before they get out of hand. It’s exhausting. But non the less this quote is very inspirational. I will keep trying to accept what is, here and now and always.

Would they notice?

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feeling, lonely, random thoughts

I’m back to feeling unimportant. Like if I disappeared no one would really care. I feel replaceable. It’s not a good feeling. But hey, it’s my feeling. I am going to feel it and let it go.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself!

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random thoughts, venting, work

*SIGH*

We are past the point where anyone cares that you talk bad about yourself. No one is going to correct you and give away free compliments. That chapter has closed. It’s now time for you to grow up and improve your social skills. It’s not okay to take out you awkwardness on others. Stop being so annoying and just enjoy yourself.

*SIGH*

Why do you feel the need to be a know-it-all? Why do you feel the need to always put it in your two cents? Why do you feel the need to be dumb?

*SIGH*

At what point do you realize that you are the common denominator in the awkward, inappropriateness that goes on around you? You can’t act however you want and then wonder why people don’t like you.

*SIGH*

Co-workers!? Ugh! What a pain!

Why did the manager ignore me?

Tags

ignore, irritated, random thoughts, restuarant

So, we planned to take a co-worker to lunch. Quite a few of us decided to go so I called the restaurant to let them know. They say they don’t take reservations but they are not normally busy the time we want to come. Ok, fine. That’s their policy.

We get there, the hostess gives us a couple options. We take the big round booth. Just add an extra table if we need more space. The table they plan to add has three older ladies sitting and chatting after their meal. I try to give the manager ideas of how I think the table arrangement could work. He ignores me.

We sit, everyone starts to trickle in. The old ladies are still chatting. I express my idea to the manager again and he ignores/denies it.

A few more people get there. We have no choice now but to add a table. The old ladies are still there.

The hottest comes over and moves the bench and table the way I had been suggesting from the start. WHY did n’t the manager listen to me?

Now why in the heck was lunch so freaking stressful? I won’t be going back there. No need to spend too much on lunch and add years to my life because my blood pressure went up. I mean really. And the server wasn’t terrible but he wasn’t good. I left there feeling irritated and shunned. I do not like it. Hopefully I can leave my frustrations here. I meant to leave them at the restaurant but they followed me back to work.

The old ladies are still there chatting as we leave.